I think I'm starting to get better at this grownup thing. Perhaps, just maybe.
Race Car Man started a few weeks ago with a new therapist, this time one at a place whose clientele are people with autism (as opposed to a therapist who deals with autism among other things, which for us did not work so well). I think its helping. He's had more good days at school, he's starting to get homework again. My ex had a schedule change at work that allows him to go to our son's classroom two days a week for a couple of hours which is fantastico. If I could only find a way to make life outside of Minecraft even remotely palatable for this child all would be straight up and down. You can't have it all.
Amazon Girl also started with a therapist last week, as the doors of pubescent hormonal hell have apparently opened wide and beckoned her therein. She's struggling emotionally and needs some support from an adult she can talk to about life, about her parents, about her brother - which means a third party is required. Fortunately the last therapist she saw, the one I really really liked, is still practicing and takes our insurance.
Then on Wednesday nights I still have obedience school with TBone. And Sundays there's church and then Amazon Girl has her riding lesson, and most Saturdays from here until the sun goes away in the late fall again, I have something to scheduled to do with my horses. SG has guitar lessons every Tuesday and just got started with some group political thingamajig. And so on.
Sometimes in between all of that we sit down for a few minutes and breathe and maybe fold a load of laundry.
Last week Race Car Man's therapist asked if we wanted to start him in her next social skills class. "Sure, when does it start?"
Next Tuesday. (Two days ago)
Its a class he needs, BUT - it starts at 3:45, just 5 minutes after he gets out of school, AND its a half hour ride away from his school. And I work full time. And my husband works full time. And if I had some time to sit down and sketch out a plan it we can do it but Next Tuesday just does not work for me right now and I for ONCE in my goddamned adult life opened my mouth and said the magic words:
"I'm sorry but that doesn't work for our schedule right now."
I didn't even feel guilty about saying it. I felt relieved. I am doing all that I can do for my family and myself right now and I am not going to try and cram one more thing down our collective throats, not at this moment.
There have been a lot of times in the last several years where I've felt almost all of my waking time was consumed with trying to frantically get everything done that I am supposed to do and failing miserably at it. Its a horrible pattern - try to do more than you're capable of, fail, drop two or three of the balls you're juggling and then spend a month trying to dig out of the hole you've just created for yourself.
Perfectionism just isn't going to happen for me right now.
There will be a point where our schedule will open enough to make the social skills class do-able for us. It will happen. Just not two days ago.
Slow down. The tempo isn't as fast as you think it is.