My 9 year-old started getting her adult teeth early, and when she loses one these days, we're all Ho, Hum, better ring up the Tooth Fairy and see what the going rate is this week, when what she'd really like is for the Tooth Fairy to deliver Justin Bieber, singing and dancing, for her birthday party. She had so many problem teeth as a toddler that when the last silver cap took its time to finally work its way out, I was ready to yank it with pliers. We haven't dealt with a first loose tooth in well over four years now.
When my son announced he had a loose tooth last week, I was so excited. He showed me where it was wiggling in the bottom front of his mouth, and I told him that it was finally HISturn for the Tooth Fairy to start visiting! Yay, you're a Big Boy now! Every day he would sit there with his fingers in his mouth, wiggling and wiggling that tooth. Oh, the fun and excitement. Oh, the joy!
Oh, the SOMEONE GET A SHOTGUN AND END MY MISERY NOW.
Why? You want to know why?
Yesterday. Breakfast. The tooth is wiggling so far back and forth you can see the underside of it - but it won't come out. I'm standing at the counter contemplating making another pot of coffee before church and out of nowhere, from the breakfast bar, a bloodcurdling shriek so loud and frightening it almost made me wet my pants. I literally jumped four feet across the kitchen to my screaming son. "Oh my God, baby, what's wrong, what hurts? Are you OK? What's the matter?" He sits there screaming with his hands over his mouth. "Did you bite your tongue, sweetie? Let Mommy see." "NO MOMMY!! My tooth! My TOOTH HURTS!!!!"
Sensory issues and loose teeth, apparently, are not a match made in heaven, when every bite of one's breakfast makes one's loose tooth move about excessively in one's mouth.
He won't let me pull the tooth out. He won't pull it out himself. As of this morning it was hanging on by a thread and still, he won't let me pull it out. And every bite of food he takes, every snack, every meal, he screams like a FREAKING BANSHEE because his tooth is bothering him.
If that tooth doesn't fall out today I swear to GOD I'm going to knock him out with Benadryl (there, I just lost my last follower. You know what? I FEED THEM MCDONALD'S, TOO!) and go after it with a pair of pliers. My nerves can't take much more of this.
UPDATED: MONDAY AFTERNOON
The tooth came out. The tooth fairy got quietly drunk on a cheap bottle of wine to celebrate.
