Note: This post is not for the faint of heart. If you are put off by discussions about ones' lady bits or if you pass out at the mention of blood, childbirth or anything related to women's reproduction, move along. Shoo. The rest of you, come along with me. We have to talk.
I posted last week that I got my Mirena out. Now let's preface this by coming to an understanding: I LOVEDmy Mirena. That little plastic critter was a godsend to someone like me.
I used to have horrible, nightmarish periods. When I was really young, first starting my cycle, I had massively heavy bleeding. I remember a family trip to Banff, we had a Volkswagen Rabbit then. I started what was probably my third menstrual period ever, and I honestly thought I was going to bleed to death. Or die of embarrassment. I was soaking through Maxi pads like they were kleenex. I feel sorry for whoever bought that car. (Dude, those brown stains in the back seat? NOT JUICE.) In my late teens and early twenties I started getting cramps that seemed to have originated in the third level of hell. I was later diagnosed with endometriosis, and had laser surgery to clear it up. It helped for a while, but eventually the stuff came back, and while not every cycle would be bad, about every third cycle I would have a day where I could not get off the floor without the aid of heavy-duty opiates. Percocet was my BFF.
Pregnancy and breastfeeding, for me, were better than birthdays, Christmases, getting my driver's license and turning twenty one. I bid farewell to my periods with nary a regret. I got pregnant with my daughter on Valentine's Day 2001, and other than a few cycles after she was born, have been mostly blood-free ever since. Breastfeeding kept my periods light, at least once the Lochia got done frightening the living snot out of me (if anyone had told me that, postpartum, I would pass a blood clot the size of an orange I might have passed on the whole thing. No fanks!). In 2005, after my son was born, as soon as my first cycle showed up I went and got the IUD inserted.
I wasn't in love with it at first. I am one of those people who react to it by bleeding. A lot. For a very long time. I bled for six weeks straight with that muthafucka, and during that time period I hated the thing with unrivaled passion. Finally, one glorious, blessed day, the bleeding stopped. And it pretty much stayed stopped until...last Thursday.
While my little progesterone-emitting friend was having a long staycation in my uterus, my monthly cycle was an infrequent and timid little visitor. Aunt Flo went out of the country for an extended period and her wallflower of a cousin Trickle came to call instead. Trickle was so uncertain about overstaying her welcome that she could be counted on to depart quickly, usually after a day or so. She was sometimes so quiet I couldn't even tell she was there.
Five years. Every single month a non-event. Oh yes, I was spoiled. Rotten. Paybacks are such a bitch.
I got my Mirena out on Wednesday. I have been bleeding like a stuck pig ever since. Now, I expected I would get my cycle back, but my GYN said that it would probably be quite light for a while. LIAR. I have been bleeding like a stuck pig for the fifth day in a row now, with no sign of letting up.
Now, before you yell at me to call my doctor, I already talked to Dr. Google, and Dr. Google introduced me to a significant number of women who had their Mirena taken out and bled for as long as several weeks. So I'm going to give this a little time before I get concerned. If this is normal, great.
My dilemma at this point is whether I want to either get another IUD or go back on the pill in order to regulate my cycle, or do I just stick it out and let Mother Nature handle things in Her own way? I'm more of the mind to let my body sort itself out for a bit, but honestly, I don't know how much more of this shit I can take. Aunt Flo's on vacation again, but this time she sent Sister River in her place and frankly, she's not such a great conversationalist.